Since the dawn of the film industry, too often men look for mentors in films that establish their behavior patterns. As men were always strong and dominating characters in the old western films of the silent era and even into the nineteen-forties, several generations of men block out emotions we feel make us look weak or inferior. Granted, there is something to be said of a little self-control when in a heated argument with another guy and one really tears in the other’s character in a public setting that the victim shouldn’t burst into tears and make a big scene. Nor should anyone cry in public (both genders applicable) when they don’t get their way at a store or with a co-worker. We’re not in pre-school anymore. Of course there should be some level of maturity here.
There are times when men should have full freedom to cry and not be looked at as weak or sensitive and it’s time we start changing culture. Here is where men need to allow themselves to express their emotion without apology and other men and women should be supportive in that emotion.
Death of a loved one – There is no need to be ‘strong’ here. Death is such a hard circumstance in life and when someone has passed away that was loved dearly, everyone should be able to grieve fully in public, in private, with a small group of friends, even if it is a small group of men only. Someone important is no longer here and nothing can bring them back. They will be missed especially depending on how close they were to us. How long is a mourning period? There probably isn’t an allotted period. Each circumstance is different. I have a friend who lost his wife suddenly several months ago. He has four kids between two and twelve and now has to raise them as a widow on top of the fact that he was completely head over heels in love with his wife. How messed up! Ball your eyes out buddy! Should he still be blubbering away in public next year at this time? Probably not. Might he cry himself to sleep still in a year from now? Maybe. Is that healthy? Hard to say. I’m not living in his shoes. Hopefully he has enough of a support group in the area he lives in to surround him with love and help him recover from such a loss. Sure wish I lived closer to him.
Movies/Books – Why not depending on the circumstance in the movie? If it’s a real life story and you are overwhelmed with the character’s hardship, success, or life change, there’s no reason you can’t express that in tears. Here’s one I’ve cried watching. A League Of Their Own. The gals are all in great spirits as they are lodging for the evening after a great game and the telegram is delivered to poor Betty who finds out her husband was killed in the war and she instantly begins weeping. It’s hard to see someone in such pain over a circumstance that can’t be altered or fixed. Even if this particular scenario didn’t actually play out, I know that thousands of women during World War II lived this circumstance and it breaks my heart. I wasn’t sobbing uncontrollably by any means, but I certainly shed a few tears for Betty and all of the women in our nation that lost their husbands at that time for our freedom. Another film. Life As We Know It. Two young parents die in a terrible car accident to leave their infant to be raised by their under qualified best friends. My wife and I just had our first daughter five months before seeing the film so this story already was hard to hear from the synopsis. However, when watching the film and seeing the little infant barely a year old come into the arms of Katherine Heigel, her new guardian, I couldn’t help but bursting into tears thinking of my own daughter going through this same circumstance. In fact, even thinking about this as I type I’m actually in tears. The thought still pains me! I cried reading the last ten pages of Les Miserables. The events leading up to the death of Jean Valjean was heart breaking.
Tragedy – Your friend is in a car accident and will never walk again. You lost your job. You get a divorce. You find out your spouse is cheating on you. You walk through a hospital in Africa full of children dying of AIDS. A gunmen opens fire in an elementary school and kills children and teachers. Terrorists bomb a marathon killing two and wounding hundreds. A hurricane destroys the infrastructure of an entire island of already poverty stricken people. There are some things that go so terribly wrong in life, it’s okay to cry. Not forever, but if it’s your initial reaction, or you need some time to deal with the pain, crying is a release of the stress you feel.
Surprise– You just find out you are having a baby! You just find out it’s the gender you hoped! You got the promotion or the raise, or both! Your book is being published! Your spouse or friend or boss spoke such amazingly needed words in your life to affirm you. You see an act of kindness towards someone, or towards you that overwhelms you. Someone you love has exciting news, or you are a part of their exciting event. Tears of joy are the best! Let ’em fly!
Are there other circumstances? Probably. This was written more as a hope that we can start allowing our emotions to shine when appropriate and many men are under the impression that even the above circumstances don’t allow for tears. We are all human and we all experience joy and pain that merits tears. It truly is okay to cry.
metropolitanmen 